Imagine Your PhaseNEXT!
Behold, I am going to do something new, now it will spring up; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19
The early empty nest years bring significant change. Nearly every relationship and role we have is in transition at the same time.
Our role as parents changes as our children become adults and leave the home.
Our marriage relationship needs to be redefined as we become empty nesters.
Our ambitions in our career and ministry begin to change as we reach (or pass) the pinnacle, but we continue to crave purpose and meaning.
Our own aging parents may require that we become caregivers to them.
How do I influence my adult children?
Can midlife marriage be the best years?
How can I discover God’s calling for me in midlife and beyond?
How do I honor and care for my aging parents?
Parenting Pivot
Is the “empty nest” what you thought it would be?
You may be struggling because your children are not following the path you set before them: How should you respond?
Communication with your adult children may be challenging you: When do I speak? When do I keep my mouth shut?
Your children may have returned to the nest unexpectedly: How do you navigate living with adult children? How do you set boundaries?
In Doing Life with your Adult Children, Jim Burns reminds us that while our goals for our children may not have changed as they became adults, our role has changed dramatically.
Although you and your children are traveling different paths, you’re on a parallel journey of reinventing your relationship. It’s better when you navigate it together, but neither of you have passed this way before, and even if you have made the transition with one child, the next child likely will approach the transition to adulthood differently. . .You no doubt will experience bewilderment when grown kids violate your values or live differently from how they were raised, but your goal remains the same: to help your children transition to responsible adulthood. To do that, you need to first understand your old job description as a parent and then create a new one.
In PhaseNEXT, we set out to clarify again what we really want for our children.
We evaluate how the tools that we had when they were young (control, punishment, instruction) may not be effective as they reach adulthood and head out into the world. We explore new ways of communicating, influencing and supporting which reflect the current and desired relationship. We also imagine what the future may look like as spouses and grandchildren are grafted into the family.
So the prodigal son set out and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. Luke 15:20
Fathers, do not antagonize your children, so that they will not become discouraged. Colossians 3:21
Marriage Pivot
Have you noticed how many marriages struggle after the kids leave the home?
Have the roles and stresses of raising children and building careers pulled you in different directions over the years?
In some ways, entering this phase of marriage can be as “new” as it was when you first started. The “rules and roles” of the relationship need to be reviewed and re-established.
In her book Marriage in the Middle, Dorothy Littell Greco observes:
The divergent experiences that we’re being thrust into can stimulate the kind of character development necessary to prevent us and our marriages from getting stuck or disintegrating. To the get the most benefit from these soul-expanding experiences, we have to be willing to acknowledge those places where our marriages are currently fragile or even failing. And of course, an acknowledgement is not enough. We have to address those vulnerabilities with purpose and commitment.
In PhaseNEXT, we believe that your marriage can thrive in midlife. But, work is required. This starts with evaluating your mutual direction and the divergence that may have developed. We explore questions like:
What roles, responsibilities and expectations have developed while raising children that are no longer necessary or even helpful?
Are there any injuries or transgressions that have not been addressed?
What does my spouse want for his or her midlife? What is his or her purpose and calling?
Can we merge our pursuits on a common path?
How can I help my spouse thrive?
Behold, I am going to do something new, now it will spring up; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19
If you find wisdom, then there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 24:14
Purpose Pivot
Have you reached a point in your career where you are wondering if this is all there is?
Have you primarily been raising your family and now want to explore new opportunities, but aren’t sure where to start?
Do you realize that there is a difference between success and significance? Between paycheck and purpose?
Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we have been created with an eternal purpose. Do you know what your purpose is? Do you feel like you are pursuing that purpose?
In Life Reimagined: The Science, Art and Opportunity of Midlife, author and journalist Barbara Bradley Hagerty writes:
Millions of people find themselves with the same unsettling questions. Part of midlife’s challenge is to closely examine the old script—the one the family and society writes for you, the one in which you are meeting everyone else’s expectations—and see if it needs revision. The new script tailored to your core identity—your own talents, passions, and personality-and these should shape your goals. For some, this means a major revision, bringing in a new cast of characters and an entirely new location. For others, it means rechanneling one’s energies just a few degrees into something that gives them meaning and verve.
In PhaseNEXT, we encourage a three-step process to making the Personal Pivot into the opportunities and joy of midlife:
ASSESS - Get clear on who you are and what you are called to do. This is a time to take inventory of the talents, dreams, passions, and desires that God has given you and seek to understand the eternal purpose He has for you. This can be done through individual reflection, personal assessment tools, and input from family and friends.
ADJUST - Reevaluate your personal infrastructure to better support your new purpose and direction. Until now, your physical, professional, financial and relationship patterns supported the mission of career and family. What do you need to change? What can you eliminate? What do you need to add?
ACT - Develop a plan and start! Investigate and sample the many opportunities to discover and pursue your purpose.
Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct. Galatians 6:4-5
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
Caregiving Pivot
For many reasons, the pivot into a new relationship with our parents can be the most challenging.
This season of transition usually happens over a long period of time and often goes through several stages: from good health—to needing care—to remembrance. At every stage, the Bible instructs us to honor our parents. How can we do that?
Perhaps your parents are healthy now, but you can see the time coming when they may need caregiving help. What can you do now to be prepared, and to help them prepare?
Perhaps one or both of your parents require care already:
How should you respond to their needs?
How do you work with the other parent to provide care and navigate change?
How do you manage decisions, responsibilities and relationships with your siblings?
What boundaries are appropriate during this phase?
Perhaps one or both of your parents have passed away:
How does that affect the family dynamic?
How can you deal with unresolved pain?
How can you honor their memory?
Author Jane Daly describes this transition in her book called The Caregiving Season. In the introduction to her book, she describes this Pivot:
As our parents’ health declines and our care for them increases, we may find ourselves battling with guilt, negotiating new boundaries, and dealing with exhaustion. Often we’re the brunt of our parents’ anger and frustration over their dependence on others. And even if we rarely doubt ourselves when making decisions for our own children, making decisions while caring for elderly parents is especially difficult.
In PhaseNEXT, we focus primarily on the relationship component of this Pivot. There are practical, spiritual and emotional steps that we can take to faithfully honor our parents and fulfill God’s design for families.
Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise. Ephesians 6:2
Do not cast me away at the time of my old age; do not abandon me when my strength fails. Psalm 71:9
PhaseNEXT is your guide through this transition to a thriving midlife.
With PhaseNEXT, you will join a community of mentors and peers who share your experiences, struggles, and dreams. We have developed the Pivot Plan to walk you through these changes in your life and relationships. Through carefully curated resources, PhaseNEXT will equip you with a new mindset and helpful tools as you imagine the possibilities of your future.
PhaseNEXT is a ministry to encourage and equip couples to
transition and redefine roles and relationships during their midlife
identify and pursue God’s unique calling and purpose
leverage wisdom and experience for the benefit of others
set the foundation for legacy by investing in eternal treasure