Blog Post: Inject a Dose of Fun Into Your Midlife Marriage!
Play sharpens our talent for empathy and collaboration. It's the antidote to social isolation
-Scott G. Eberle
For newly empty-nesters, you have spent the previous 5 or more years in an all out push to successfully launch teenagers into adulthood. Your marriage has been consumed with coordination of high school sports, activities, concerts, recitals, and special programs. Your time together was spent mostly in giving your full support to your children as they built their list of honors and achievements for college applications or job resumes. Launching teens can be stressful and exhausting!
Then one day after the kids have moved out, you look across the car or dinner table and think, "Who is this person I used to know?" You may begin to wonder... "Do we have anything in common anymore? Do we still love each other? Without the kids' activities to fill up our schedule, am I going to get bored spending a lot more time with my spouse?"
Now is the perfect time to reinvigorate your marriage with some FUN and PLAY! Having fun together helps foster emotional intimacy. Shared laughter creates positive connections and trust in your relationship. Playing together refreshes and rehydrates where things have become stale and dry.
An active play date is an easy way to infuse some lightheartedness into your interactions. There are lots of ideas out there these days...axe throwing, escape rooms, shooting range, painting classes, couples dance lessons, pickle ball, day hikes, electric bike paths, indoor rock climbing, tennis, miniature golf, cooking classes, bowling…bring out your inner child! Remember...no serious or heavy conversation topics allowed during play dates. Make it your goal to just enjoy each other’s company.
You can also plan a relaxed play date at home. Turn off the TV and put away your phones. Play a card game or a board game. Always wanted to learn chess?-do it! Cook a special fun recipe together or decorate a cake. Play frisbee in the back yard. Work a puzzle or turn up the tunes and dance like nobody’s watching (they’re not)!
See if you can find ways to inject some playfulness and laughter into your physical relationship too. Interruptions or walk-ins are no longer a concern, and for many the need for contraception is gone now too. So go ahead—get out of your same ol’ routine and initiate something new. Flirt with each other, dance naked to silly songs, or try a different spot like the living room floor or garden tub. Lovemaking doesn’t always have to be serious; lighten it up occasionally!
Spending time with friends—old and new—is a great way to add some variety to your couple-to-couple social life. Last year Rett and I made a commitment to have dinner with another couple once a week. One of us would call or text another couple and invite them to meet us at a local restaurant for dinner. We brainstormed a list of names and started working our way through them in random order, adding new couples whenever someone came to mind. We intentionally tried to branch out of our normal friend group as much as we could. I encourage you to try these regular dinner dates. It is easy and so much FUN! Meeting at a restaurant allows for comfortable conversation, but it doesn’t turn into an “all night affair.” After an hour or so, the meal comes to a natural close as the server brings the checks. No one feels obligated to stay longer or continue to entertain house guests. There is no cooking or prepping the house, no “what can I bring?,” and no cleanup required. What could be easier?!
We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
-George Bernard ShawOur brains are built to benefit from play no matter what our age.
-Theresa A. Kestly