Blog Post: "Thou Shalt Not Covet"
If I’m honest, I must confess that I often covet what John has. Not his material possessions, but his gifting, opportunities, and influence. I’ve often overheard myself saying “If only I had that position, or that platform, I could do so much.” I’ve found myself praying: “God, if you let me do that, I will do great things for your Kingdom.”
If I’m honest, I must confess that I often covet what John has. Not his material possessions, but his gifting, opportunities, and influence. I’ve often overheard myself saying “If only I had that position, or that platform, I could do so much.” I’ve found myself praying: “God, if you let me do that, I will do great things for your Kingdom.”
John is not a specific person, but he has been several specific people over the years. John is the guy doing what I wish I was doing, with the relationships I wish I had, with the platform of influence that I could use so well. John has been both inspiration and nemesis. He has both elevated and restricted my aspirations.
Coveting John’s position, role or platform can be a major hinderance in seeking our purpose as we recalibrate at midlife. Wanting to do what John is doing can prevent us from doing what God wants us to do.
Several years ago, I was confronted with a sequence of verses that forced me to examine my heart and to root out my covetous tendency.
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10
“Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called.” Ephesians 4:1
“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.” Galatians 6;4-5 (NLT)
Three truths are confirmed in these verses:
1) God has a work that is intended specifically for me. Likewise, God has specific work for others to do.
2) I must pursue my work as an act of obedience, stewardship and worship.
3) I will be evaluated by my faithfulness to my work, not in comparison to the work others are called to do.
What may seem obvious became a radical game-changer.
First, it changed my prayers. No longer would I pray, “God, give me John’s calling so that I can do the amazing type of work that he is doing.” My prayer is “God, show me what you intend for me to do and help me do it.”
Second, it changed my relationship to John. I no longer feel the need to compete with John or to diminish or critique him to increase myself. I can celebrate John and what God is doing through John.
Third, it gave me freedom to explore all the possibilities of God’s calling. I found that surrendering my agenda opened up horizons as immense as God’s perspective. My aspiration was no longer limited to my version of John, but expanded to God’s version of me.
Here are some steps you can take to release the covetous spirit that threatens to limit your pursuit of your purpose.
1) Examine your heart. Is there a John in your life? How do you feel when you see John do what John does? What do you say to God (or others) about John?
2) Confess this to God. Ask God to expand your vision beyond John to see what He is doing in the world and how you might be part of it. Ask God to help you to walk in what He has called you to do.
3) Seek God’s work for you. Yes, that is a whole book’s worth of process-but get started. Find a book or a coach that can help you. There is process that can help you identify and walk in God’s specific work for you. Check out our Reference List HERE. Make the commitment to an intentional season of searching.
4) Take a first step. God wants your obedience first, then He can reveal His purpose. Teddy Roosevelt and Arthur Ashe are credited with this idea: “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” You don’t have to know everything to do something. You don’t have to know the finish line to get out of the starting blocks. Look around and do what is in front of you today.
Midlife is a great time to seek God’s purpose for you in this new season. The possibilities are as immense and wonderful as the God we serve. Don’t let John block you from this future.
Book Review: From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life by Arthur C. Brooks
At Midlife, we begin to realize that our effectiveness is waning. This may cause us to question our purpose and our worth. None of us desire to be irrelevant. The fear of irrelevance may steal our joy and drive. Midlife is the ideal opportunity to make changes that will revitalize your effectiveness and bring great fulfillment.
At Midlife, we begin to realize that our effectiveness is waning. This may cause us to question our purpose and our worth. None of us desire to be irrelevant. The fear of irrelevance may steal our joy and drive. Midlife is the ideal opportunity to make changes that will revitalize your effectiveness and bring great fulfillment.
In his book From Strength to Strength, Arthur Brooks opens with his encounter with an elderly man on an airplane muttering to his wife that he wishes he were dead. Brooks recognized this man as a highly respected and well-known hero and patriot. Brooks never identifies the individual, but intimates that we would surely recognize this man, as did the other passengers and pilot of the plane. The juxtaposition of the former glory and current misery is stark and puzzling, causing Brooks to begin a journey to understand the factors that affect the trajectory of effectiveness and our sense of purpose and fulfillment. Citing multiple studies, Brooks explains two progressions that impact our fulfillment as a function of time. First is the productivity curve which reaches its apex after 20-25 years in a career or scholarly pursuit. A second progression is reflected in the concepts of “fluid” and “crystalized” knowledge. These factors explain why innovation and creativity are most prevalent in the early years of our career or life endeavor.
Brooks believes that these curves are more a function of tenure in the pursuit than a function of aging. In the remainder of the book, Brooks discusses the mindset and action steps that will allow a person in midlife to make changes that will restart the these progressions and increase fulfillment.
Have you reached your peak productivity? Do you sense that your contribution to your organization or profession is beginning to wain? While Brooks suggests that this is normal (and possibly inevitable), there is good news. If you are willing to Pivot, you can have many more productive years. The key is to engage in the intentional process of assessing the current situation and possibilities, making adjustments that point you in a new direction, and acting on the possibilities.
Blog Post: Restructure Your Purpose Infrastructure
By the time you reach your 50s, you have likely been pursuing purpose within a context defined by family and career for half your life. In doing that, you have built an infrastructure that supports your effort.
Nearly every significant decision was heavily influenced by the purpose of family and career.
By the time you reach your 50s, you have likely been pursuing purpose within a context defined by family and career for half your life. In doing that, you have built an infrastructure that supports your effort.
Nearly every significant decision was heavily influenced by the purpose of family and career.
Consider:
• The cars you have purchased
• The location, size and configuration of your home
• Your budget categories and priorities
• Your schedule and activities
• Your communication patterns and subjects with your spouse
• Your social circle
All of these together have been developed and woven together to move you forward in your pursuit of purpose. They were means to an end. But, at some point, the infrastructure you created to support your pursuit of purpose became part of your identity, and perhaps even a purpose unto themselves.
But things have changed. Your children are adults and have left home. You’ve either reached your career goals or realized that the ship has passed. You’re realizing that the sense of purpose that has driven you for years is waning and you may be headed in a different direction.
The title of Marshall Goldsmith’s classic leadership book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There provides insight on the Purpose Pivot that occurs during midlife. The book’s title phrase is an idea that warrants your consideration if you are struggling to find meaning and fulfillment in the things that occupy your time and energy. It may be time to evaluate whether your current infrastructure is useful or a burden.
Midlife is an opportunity to rebuild your infrastructure on purpose for a purpose. It's more than “downsizing” just to simplify or conserve. You now have the freedom to thoughtfully restructure the operating systems and fixed assets of your life to pursue God’s calling for the next phase of your life.
As we are now approaching the turn of the calendar year, consider whether 2023 will be the start of a new phase of purpose for you. You can learn more about the Purpose Pivot on the Resources page on our website.
We believe that your PhaseNEXT can be filled with passion, purpose and legacy.
Blog Post: The Path to Finishing Well
My contemplation of finishing well started a little sooner than it does for most.
When I was in my mid-30s, my father’s two best friends died on consecutive days. I knew them as Uncle Mike and Pastor Bob. I had known these men for many years and had observed them in the decade or so after they retired. Attending funerals within a couple days of each other gave me an opportunity to reflect on what it takes to finish well.
My contemplation of finishing well started a little sooner than it does for most.
When I was in my mid-30s, my father’s two best friends died on consecutive days. I knew them as Uncle Mike and Pastor Bob. I had known these men for many years and had observed them in the decade or so after they retired. Attending funerals within a couple days of each other gave me an opportunity to reflect on what it takes to finish well.
Uncle Mike was a wonderful, loving Christian man. After his retirement, he spent his days traveling, playing golf, and visiting with his children and grandchildren. At his funeral, family and friends gathered to share favorite memories. These usually involved some kind gesture he had done or some word of encouragement he offered.
Pastor Bob spent his retirement years using interim pastoring assignments to raise funds and recruit workers to build churches in Brazil. At his funeral, the pastor asked everyone in the congregation who had to traveled to Brazil with Pastor Bob to stand. About 200 men stood; I was one of them. These were blue-collar working men who had been recruited and inspired by Pastor Bob to use their skills to further the Gospel in South America. In all, Pastor Bob organized the funding and led the construction of more than 20 churches in Brazil—all after retiring from “full time ministry.”
This contrast was poignant to me. It demonstrated that there are multiple ways to finish well. Uncle Mike was a Jesus follower who left a legacy of love and faith with his family. Pastor Bob pursued his passion for church building and discipleship. I believe they both lived the purpose and calling God gave them. And that is the point—finishing well the work that God has called you to do (see Eph 2:10). From that day, I committed to live my life for the goal of hearing, “Well done, my good and faithful servant!” (Matt. 25:21)
I also understood that the outcome did not depend on chance, but required intention and effort. At age 37, I began to ask: What do I need to do now so that I can do eternally significant things after retirement? It never occurred to me in my thirties or forties that the urge for renewed purpose would come long before retirement. As I’ve entered my fifties and all the kids have moved out, the process of re-purposing has started in earnest.
A dozen authors will describe the process in a dozen different ways. (See our Resources page for recommended books). But it all boils down to the same basic elements. Perhaps this will help get you started:
1. Get to know yourself again for the first time. Has it really been 25+ years since you set your life goals? All this time, God has continued “to work and to will for His good purpose.” (Phil 2:13) It's time to re-assess your passions, talents, and resources.
2. Explore God’s calling for you. Ephesians 2:10 assures us that God has given us a purpose and work to do. Having you been pursuing your calling or just living out the expectations of others? If you seek, God will reveal what He intends for you.
3. Make adjustments to create opportunities. No doubt you have structured your life to accomplish the goals of the past. It may be time to deconstruct your personal infrastructure in order to create margin for change and growth. What can you let go of so that you can take hold of something new?
4. Get started. Take the first step—even if it is a small one. Don’t fear making a mistake. It is easier to course-correct when you’re moving than when you are standing still.
5. Include others. Finding and pursuing your re-purpose is better with friends. Bring your spouse and others along with you on this journey.
Book Review: Empty Nest, Full Life - Discovering God’s Best for Your Next by Jill Savage
Author Jill Savage offers a guide through the emotional chaos that confronts parents when their children leave home, leaving them with a sense of loss and confusion. This dynamic is especially potent for women who have spent most of the prior 25 years dedicated to raising children. For the primary caregiver, their personal goals, dreams and desires have been put on hold for the sake of the family. Now that the kids are gone, they are left asking, “Now What?” “Who am I?” “What do I do?”
Author Jill Savage offers a guide through the emotional chaos that confronts parents when their children leave home, leaving them with a sense of loss and confusion. This dynamic is especially potent for women who have spent most of the prior 25 years dedicated to raising children. For the primary caregiver, their personal goals, dreams and desires have been put on hold for the sake of the family. Now that the kids are gone, they are left asking, “Now What?” “Who am I?” “What do I do?”
Although this book is written primarily from the perspective of a female caregiver, it offers great insight and encouragement to both parents. The content is built on the structure of “Let go; Take hold.” Savage exposes the thought patterns, expectations, and relationships that were present as our children were growing up that must now be released in order to move forward. She then points toward a beautiful future full of new relationships, meaning and purpose.
Savage offers practical suggestions for how to evaluate your current emotional state and to let go of the hinderances. She also offers advice on the work that may be required in the marriage in this new phase. Finally, the author gives tips for finding and pursuing opportunities that bring joy and fulfillment in this phase. Savage highlights the “Ministry of Availability” as one of the great joys that she has found—giving her the ability to serve the practical needs of others by simply being available to help them.
The book includes devotional reflection and questions for deeper reflection. There is also a companion Journal intended to “help you slow down, reflect and record your thoughts as you work through the book.”