Blog Post: Honoring Aging Parents
In these weeks between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, it's a good time think about how we truly honor our parents during PhaseNEXT. At this stage of our life, breakfast in bed and colorful neckties just don’t seem appropriate.
Honoring our parents during our midlife is vastly different than when we were kids. On the one hand, we have many more years of relationship that may have made things—well—complicated. On the other, we are also parents of adult children and have a whole new perspective on the challenges and sacrifices our parents faced.
The Bible admonishes us repeatedly to honor our parents. This is different than obeying them. This command is described as the first “with a promise.” We would do well to consider why the Bible makes this a matter of such importance and commit to this principle throughout our lives.
If we are blessed by parents who are still living and able to engage with us, honoring them requires us to consider what will truly bless them as they confront their own mortality and the hand-off of their role as “head of family.” Have you spent time deeply considering how the aging process has affected them? How do they feel about the changes in the parent-child relationship as they become more dependent? What can you do to affirm them, to give them assurance that they have lived well?
Occasionally make a point to tell them what you admire about them.
Share photos and memorabilia from your childhood that remind them of your journey together.
Help them accomplish a goal that they have set aside—a trip or experience from their bucket list.
Help them reunite with old friends or family members.
Talk to them about their expectations for living arrangements as they approach declining health and end of life.
If one or both of our parents have already passed, honoring them is still important—not for them, but for others. Who is blessed when we honor the memory and legacy of our parents? Primarily, our children and their children. The continuity of family binds generations in a perpetuating identity. As individuals, we need to know who we are and where we belong. From the beginning, the Bible describes families as multi-generational units through which God works and blesses. Honor is the glue that creates these bonds.
Tell their stories to your children and grandchildren.
Create a family treasure chest of photos and artifacts that can become heirloom.
Write a letter to them, expressing your thanks, your hurts, and your regrets.
Confront any anger or resentment that you may have and commit to forgive.
The breakdown of the family unit, often coupled with a loss of generational honor, is epidemic in our culture today. It is no surprise that identity confusion, anxiety and depression, are also on the rise. This occurs with teenagers, emerging adults and mid-lifers. Honoring our parents at every stage of life is important. In your PhaseNEXT, you can make a generational impact by simply living out this Biblical imperative.